This confession feels ugly. Totally. Like, in an embarrassing "you don't deserve the children you have!" kind of way.
I wannabe a mom of girls, too. But that will never happen now so I should say I WANTED to be a mom of girls, too.
Funny thing is, when Jake and I talked about getting married, I never pictured girls. EVER. I specifically did picture 3 boys though. Oddly enough, in my mind, they all looked exactly like Aidan looks now though. I love that. Even still, in my heart, I would have LOVED having a little girl. I still wonder what it would be like, what she would look like, and wonder if we didn't give "her" a shot at becoming a reality. I envision her having my red hair and blue eyes and Jake's olive skin.... which would be AMAZING. I see little baby girls with bright red hair and my heart skips a beat.
I am so lucky to be the Aunt to 4 beautiful and wonderful nieces, and my heart is so happy and in love with all of them. I am thankful that even though God didn't make me a mommy of girls (which I am at times guilty of wondering WHY... ugh), He did place girls in my life for me to love on and be girly with. My poor nieces, Aunt Brandy loves to do their hair probably more than they like to let me.
When my nieces stayed with us for a bit this summer, I absolutely LOVED having both boys and girls to mother and take care of and see how different they are together. And they really are SO different! I didn't understand just how much until they came to stay. haha!
All that said, I wouldn't trade my three boys for even one single girl.... or 10 girls with bright red hair and blue eyes. God knew what he was doing giving me boys to love on and teach, and I am happy and blessed to be their mommy.