Last month I wrote a post about my TIME. I had approached Jake about it right before we left for Oregon but because of the chaos that the last minute trip brought us, it got put on the back burner. Well tonight I brought it back out again.
Originally I had said I wasn't going to ask Jake to do this with me, AND I had said it would be a month long experiment. So, a few things have changed. Jake is doing it with me, and the initial part is 10 days.
We both agreed that we could direct our energies toward more purposeful things. We each have our vices that take us away from being purposeful. For him, its gaming. For me, its stupid Facebook. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE FACEBOOK. I love what it does for me - being home all day can be lonely and boring. Its very easy to get caught up in it though, especially for me. I tend to get very sidetracked very easily. Its also a great way for friends and family to keep up with our day to day lives. I love it for that. HOWEVER, each of our habits have replaced very important things. Instead of being "recreational" they have become habitual.
I have to admit too, that part of my motivation for this is because I am tired of being the primary caretaker of everything under this roof. That sounds terrible, but really, I am. I want to feel like we are on the same team, instead of feeling like I am the coach who ends up playing the game on my own. haha! I am a firm believer that if the mom stays home her job is first and foremost to take care of the kids. A husband who works outside the homes job is to go to work and do that job well. I think there is a middle ground where both have their primary jobs, and then they come together and evenly shoulder the rest. I need more discipline during the day when kids are at school (O is still home with me) and Jake and I need to work better as a team when he is home from work. We have gotten into a habit of keeping score and harboring resentments b/c the boundaries and rules aren't clear. As the boys get older, I really want to make sure we get better at this instead of just winging it. Also, my time as sole caretaker (the pre-school years) are just about over for the last one (Owen) and the other two are doing wonderful in the beginnings of their school age years. We need to transition into a new way of life.
After a nice talk tonight, we came up with a 10 day pledge. We both signed it and dated it. I will place it in an area where we will both see it everyday so we can be reminded of it. After 10 days, we will sit down and talk about the pros and cons of it, and how we want to proceed. Here is what we both came up with and agreed on together.... which felt nice since I didn't come up with on my own and make him sign it. haha!
10 Day Family Pledge - starting Monday March 19th, 2012
1. We pledge to only get on our Games or Facebook (or other internet social network) only after the boys have been in bed for one hour at night. (this is so we can make sure we have an hour set aside to touch base with each other and together finish up the days tasks)
2. We pledge to use our time to serve each other, our family, and our home.
3. We pledge to go to bed by 11:30 every night. We are doing this for our overall health and well being. Friday and Saturday nights are exempt.
4. Saturdays and Sundays are free days after 12pm.
The purpose for this is the spend our time more wisely and learn to serve each other and our family. By doing this we hope to create a more calm and loving atmosphere in our home and establish a better family routine. We will re-evaluate after 10 days.
So, there it is. And seriously, the thought of it already makes me nervous. I suspect there will be some tension and frustration the first few days. For me, it means a lot of social sacrifice. BUT, when I compare it to what I will be gaining, it will be worth it in the end. I also need to develop more discipline during my days, so this will be good for me. For Jake, it means sacrificing his after work hours to be more dedicated to his family and his home. Not that he isn't dedicated, he just needs to be more purposeful about it. As do I. We both agree that we have our priorities backward. Its SO EASY to slip into that. And we are finally at a place where we both want to turn that around. I am so glad he is on board with it, and I am excited to see where we are after 10 days!