Grace

I wannabe more gracious.

Last night after putting the boys to bed, I went and sat on the couch while my husband played his xbox game. I huffed and puffed about how tired I was, and how putting the boys to bed always makes me so sleepy. Could be the chapter of Narnia we read each night or laying down in three different beds singing songs and praying in each one.... or it could be both. No matter what though, I almost always fall asleep.

I curled up on that couch with a blanket and sighed about the kitchen still being a mess from dinner. Husband finished his game he was currently on, and then got up and said "I'll unload the dishwasher for you then." Then I replied wtih "thanks babe, then I can load it and do everything else." Then I proceeded to close my eyes and try to get in a quick snooze.

Then something ugly happened. It took about 5 minutes, but I lifted up my head and said "Did you just say you would unload the dishwasher FOR ME?" I can assure you my tone was less than gracious. He snapped back with something probably well deserving on my end, and thus proceeded a very ugly "conversation." As I covered my head with my blanket to sneak in a few more minutes of shut eye.... I immediately scolded myself.

"Why can't you be more gracious?"
"Why can't you just say thank you and leave it at that?"
"Why can't you just be quiet instead of saying ugly things?"

I can be very powerful with my words when I choose to be. I don't say half of what I think sometimes because my instant thoughts and reactions are filled with ugly... I fight against that on a daily basis. For some reason though, at home - with my husband and, shamefully, sometimes with my kids - I can be so very ugly. So very short. So very UNgracious.

Its moments like these that makes me stop and think about how very gracious God is with me. Anything I've ever done for God (when maybe my initial motive is to do it for myself) isn't met with a question from Him about my hearts intent.... its always met with a blessing. I never get the question of "You THINK you're doing this for Me, but you're really doing it for yourself." No, I get blessings I didn't know I would receive, and maybe even a bit of a conviction once I see for myself what my intentions were.... and then I am ever more grateful for the grace of God.

If I were to be more gracious, like God is with me, I would have thanked my husband for the extra help with a sincere heart, and not pointed out anything else. His motives for what he does are between him and God.... not for me to judge. I can graciously say thank you, and mean it, and in that way share the grace of God that has been so freely given to me.

I ended up falling asleep on the couch. I woke up to a nice trail of drool (so lovely, I know) and my husband back at his xbox game. I heard the dishwasher running, and when I looked up, all of the kitchen counters had been cleaned off, and anything that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher had been hand washed and was on the drying rack. How is that for showing grace to the ungracious?